It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
"Fishing," replied the old man.
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught?"
Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.
My seven-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.
As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"
Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"
Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.
He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."
"Really?" my grandson asked.
"Cross my heart," the man replied.
Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing),
"Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.
He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he told her,
"Here, this is for you. Shove it up your ass you grouchy old b*tch! "
Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."
"I see" said his wife,"that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?"
Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much. We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Alice
One said, "Easter is Jesus's birthday. That's when we put up a tree and put presents around it."
The other said, "No! You're the reason idiots have a bad reputation. You're talking about Christmas. Easter is when they put Jesus up on the cross and he died for all of our sins. Then they put him in a grave. And three days later he came out and saw his shadow and went back inside for six more weeks of cold weather."
Ya. I'm getting in trouble because of you guys and your great jokes. I shared one with the MC riding club on their joke forum and got a reply "Hey, this is a family site". It was the one with the organist and the priest. My family all laughed. Keep the jokes coming, I look forward to seeing them.
Did you hear? The Capitol in DC is going to be renamed to The National Marble Barn! After all, it houses 535 jacka**es, some by party affiliation, the rest by legislative performance.
A local farm equipment manufacturer is coming out with a new manure spreader. It's going to be called the Presidential Campaign model. It lumbers along slowly, wobbles a lot, does a lot of clattering and clanging, but boy, it sure does fling the sh**!
2014 Copper RTS
Tri-Axis bars, CB, BajaRon sway bar & shock adjusters, SpyderPop's Bumpskid, NBV peg brackets, LED headlights and modulator, Wolo trumpet air horns, trailer hitch, custom trailer harness, high mount turn signals, Custom Dynamics brake light, LED turn signal lights on mirrors, LED strip light for a dash light, garage door opener, LED lights in frunk, trunk, and saddlebags, RAM mounts and cradles for tablet (for GPS) and phone (for music), and Smooth Spyder belt tensioner.
"A Wise Man Once Said, I Should Ask My Wife."
2017 Champagne Metallic RT-S SE-6 Rivco Dual Flag Holders; Slingmods Highway Pegs; (Hate Them) Airhawk Seat Cushion; Show Chrome Black Touring Rack w/ Risers & Touring Windshield; RAM X Mount For TXTAG; TackForm Phone Mount; Lidlox; Magic Mirror Mounts; Guardian Bells; WOLO "Bad Boy" Air Horn; Dual USB Power Outlet With Voltmeter; 12V outlet for misc. stuff; Spyderpops Full View Mirror Turn Signals; Large Brake Pedal; Kott Grilles; Large Mud Flap; BajaRon 3 Piece Sway Bar, Last But Not Least, Kuhmo Rear Rire, Vedrestien Fronts.
2017 RT-S , Brake pedal extender is twice the size of the stock pedal. Champagne Metallic
2013 STL SE5 BLACK CURRANT
SpyderPop's: LED bumpskid
SmoothSpyder: dualmode back rest
T r * * LED:foam grip covers, Tricrings, FenderZ,
brake light strips, wide vue mirrors
Rivico SOMA modulation brake leds
sawblade mowhalk fender accents
minispyder dash toy
Lid lox
KradelLock
Pakitrack
GENSSI ELITE LED H4 headlights
FLO (Frunk Lid Organizer)
BRP fog lights, trailer hitch
SENA 20S EVO
An old bachelor farmer finally gets married in his late sixties. A friend asked him why he waited so long to get married.
"Well, if she turns out to be a great wife she will have been worth waiting for! If she turns out to be a b***h, I won't have to live with her so long!"
2014 Copper RTS
Tri-Axis bars, CB, BajaRon sway bar & shock adjusters, SpyderPop's Bumpskid, NBV peg brackets, LED headlights and modulator, Wolo trumpet air horns, trailer hitch, custom trailer harness, high mount turn signals, Custom Dynamics brake light, LED turn signal lights on mirrors, LED strip light for a dash light, garage door opener, LED lights in frunk, trunk, and saddlebags, RAM mounts and cradles for tablet (for GPS) and phone (for music), and Smooth Spyder belt tensioner.
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Originally Posted by Bfromla
I think that I've had all seven of them stay at my house... 
..
