Life's Little Pleasures...

[mecsw500]

My son and his partner drove non stop from Wisconsin to my home in Utah last year for Christmas before last. The whole way they said they tried to not use the brakes too much as they were screeching. They turned the radio on when there was a droning noise from the front.

As I always do, I kidnapped their car to take it for an oil change. I suspect they hadn't changed the oil since I last saw the car and changed the oil then. Yep, oil low and 15,000 miles on it since I last saw it.

It had no brakes, made a terrible noise when the pedal was pushed and the vibration was just awful. On the basis I'm too old to be messing with their vehicles, I took it to the local shop I use, very slowly. The steering was completely off too.

The front disks were ground to nothing. There was just a thin remainder of the pad backing plates grinding the front disks away. The rear was just starting to do the same. So, new rotors, pads and calipers all round, plus a fluid replacement. The calipers were so heat soaked I didn't trust them.

In goes real true synthetic oil as who knows how long before I get to see it again.

Once it was in the air, we checked the tires. The inside of the fronts had cables visible. So, four new all season tires and a complete four wheel alignment.

They drove all that way in a completely un-drivable car, at freeway speeds. I wouldn't have driven it to my mailbox.

This from two people who work in the IT industry with advanced degrees. Absolutely no clue whatsoever.

Guess what they got for their Christmas present? Yep, brakes, tires, and an oil change, along with its first car wash in probably two years.

Kids. Well I say kids, he's in his mid thirties. What are they going to do when I'm gone?

 

[BajaRon]

Kids. Well I say kids, he's in his mid thirties. What are they going to do when I'm gone?

Call a tow truck, most likely...

 

[Raven]

Die or kill somebody.
I hope you read them the riot act.
Sorry, rant over.

 

[mecsw500]

Call a tow truck, most likely...

Lol, that'll be good. Who do you think pays for their AAA cards?

 

[mecsw500]

Die or kill somebody.
I hope you read them the riot act.
Sorry, rant over.

Yes, we had a long and very stern chat about that. It wasn't a lecture he would want to hear again and although the fixes were a Christmas present it wasn't a very Merry Christmas kind of gift. He's got enough income to take the thing for an annual dealer service, so although it costs more there, at least it will catch issues early. His local dealer will even come and pick it up from his work and return it at the end of the day for a small fee. He can send me the dealer's video report and I'll say yes or no on his behalf to what the dealer says needs doing. His local dealer is actually pretty fair.

I should just let the things break down on him and let him figure it out on his own. It's just being a stepfather, I cannot bring myself to do it. I know I'm enabling, but like you say, I worry not only about other people's safety but his mother's anxiety too if something goes wrong.

What's worse is I have no idea how he actually passed a driving test, he's just an awful driver. Not fast, but he's not someone who drives naturally. I'm not sure which scares me most, his complete lack of mechanical empathy or just his lack of driving competency. I told him to sell his car and take an Uber as he doesn't go that many places. An Uber would probably be no more expensive. We shall see.

 

[Snoking1127]

My son and his partner drove non stop from Wisconsin to my home in Utah last year for Christmas before last. The whole way they said they tried to not use the brakes too much as they were screeching. They turned the radio on when there was a droning noise from the front.

As I always do, I kidnapped their car to take it for an oil change. I suspect they hadn't changed the oil since I last saw the car and changed the oil then. Yep, oil low and 15,000 miles on it since I last saw it.

It had no brakes, made a terrible noise when the pedal was pushed and the vibration was just awful. On the basis I'm too old to be messing with their vehicles, I took it to the local shop I use, very slowly. The steering was completely off too.

The front disks were ground to nothing. There was just a thin remainder of the pad backing plates grinding the front disks away. The rear was just starting to do the same. So, new rotors, pads and calipers all round, plus a fluid replacement. The calipers were so heat soaked I didn't trust them.

In goes real true synthetic oil as who knows how long before I get to see it again.

Once it was in the air, we checked the tires. The inside of the fronts had cables visible. So, four new all season tires and a complete four wheel alignment.

They drove all that way in a completely un-drivable car, at freeway speeds. I wouldn't have driven it to my mailbox.

This from two people who work in the IT industry with advanced degrees. Absolutely no clue whatsoever.

Guess what they got for their Christmas present? Yep, brakes, tires, and an oil change, along with its first car wash in probably two years.

Kids. Well I say kids, he's in his mid thirties. What are they going to do when I'm gone?

My step daughter showed up with a new baby years ago with tires on her car with cables show in the front tires!!!! I took it and put new tires on it. The worthless husband left her shortly after that. Grand daughter is in her late 39's early 40's now and has her own children, and a really nice husband.

 

[mecsw500]

My step daughter showed up with a new baby years ago with tires on her car with cables show in the front tires!!!! I took it and put new tires on it. The worthless husband left her shortly after that. Grand daughter is in her late 39's early 40's now and has her own children, and a really nice husband.

Yes, you just can’t let your loved ones drive around in unsafe vehicles can you? It’s hard wired into being a father isn’t it. Whenever I see one of my children’s cars I’m measuring the tire depth, checking the brakes and taking it for an oil change. That way I can check it all out. They’ll say to my wife, where’s dad, and she’ll say, oh he’s probably just checking on your car. I’ve done that ever since they learned to drive. It annoys them but I don’t care, it’s part of being a dad or even a step dad. I’m sure they dread my visits. Lol

 

[Cobranut]

I know it's a PITA, but this is why I like states that have an annual inspection requirement.
I've traveled a lot, and some of the stuff I've seen in Arkansas and other no inspection states is scary as hell.

 

[Yabbadabbadoo]

I'm going through the same thing with my 27 year old son. Blows his money on stupid things and then doesn't have any money to get his car repaired when something comes up. I just paid $900 yesterday to get his car repaired and it still needs more work but at least it's safe.

 

[BajaRon]

Lol, that'll be good. Who do you think pays for their AAA cards?

Well, that's another issue entirely...

My dad kicked me out when I was 19. He said, 'You've got 1 month to find another place to live'. The deal was, I could stay at home as long as I was going to school. I quit college and my dad was a man of his word. I thought it was cruel. And so did my mom. But neither saved me.

As a stupid kid, I could only think of 2 places that would house and feed me (other than home, of course). That was the miltary and the fire department. Turned out, in the long run, there wasn't a great deal of difference between them in a lot of ways. Most of the captains in the fire department were X-Military. And they treated new recruits like indentured servants.

At the last minute, I was able to land a job as a wildland firefighter in San Diego County. The rest is history.

I didn't like my dad for kicking me out. And my mom was none too happy that her darling boy got tossed. But it was one of the best things my dad ever did for me. I went from a boy to a man in pretty short order. Life got real in a hurry.

It forced me to get off my butt and take care of business. There isn't much in the way of coddling in the fire department, at least not in the one I spent my career in, anyway.

I can now say 'Thanks Dad!' with all sincerity... He knew what needed to be done and he had the guts to do it.

 

[mecsw500]

Well, that's another issue entirely...

My dad kicked me out when I was 19. He said, 'You've got 1 month to find another place to live'. The deal was, I could stay at home as long as I was going to school. I quit college and my dad was a man of his word. I thought it was cruel. And so did my mom. But neither saved me.

As a stupid kid, I could only think of 2 places that would house and feed me (other than home, of course). That was the miltary and the fire department. Turned out, in the long run, there wasn't a great deal of difference between them in a lot of ways. Most of the captains in the fire department were X-Military. And they treated new recruits like indentured servants.

At the last minute, I was able to land a job as a wildland firefighter in San Diego County. The rest is history.

I didn't like my dad for kicking me out. And my mom was none too happy that her darling boy got tossed. But it was one of the best things my dad ever did for me. I went from a boy to a man in pretty short order. Life got real in a hurry.

It forced me to get off my butt and take care of business. There isn't much in the way of coddling in the fire department, at least not in the one I spent my career in, anyway.

I can now say 'Thanks Dad!' with all sincerity... He knew what needed to be done and he had the guts to do it.

My daughter in grade school would have a nervous breakdown if she chipped a nail. Her time in the Navy turned her into the most fearsome young woman that no one wants to mess with. Paid for her degree too. She’s awesome. Spitting image of my wife, her stepmother, tough as nails. I dare not cross either of them.

My autistic son got a job out of high school and has worked 20 years in the same place. My wife and I help him manage his finances, but he’s living on his own and driving his own car and he pays his own way. His work ethic is unbelievable, he just needs advice from time to time. He’s a great lad.

My stepson is another matter, but it’s a different relationship with step children. My wife now agrees she was too enabling. A bit late now but it is what it is. My other stepson is getting there, which at his age is a bit late, but better late than never. He is living in my daughter’s house and she and her husband are licking him into shape. I see the change already.

At least none of them live in my basement and they are all law abiding citizens which is something I suppose.

My dad was a ex-military policeman. Much like your dad, according to him, my 18th was adulthood and time to fly the nest, one way or another. It was college or the military. I chose college and my brother chose the military and served for 40 years. When I emigrated to the US, my parents said go for it. I appreciate their drive and ambition for me to do better, they having grown up in the depravities of war torn Britain. Both my parents are passed now and I wish I could say thank you, just one more time.