IdahoMtnSpyder
Well-known member
Must be a pretty weak mood!! :roflblack:
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Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
Bob Denman
New member
A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while a women's group
is hitting from the women's tee. The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is ready to hit her ball she hacks it 10ft. Then
she attempts again and misses it completely. Then she hacks it 10ft
and again 5ft.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically "I
guess all those f*****g lessons I took over the winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responds: "Well, there you have it. You
should have taken golf lessons instead"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 68....
is hitting from the women's tee. The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is ready to hit her ball she hacks it 10ft. Then
she attempts again and misses it completely. Then she hacks it 10ft
and again 5ft.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically "I
guess all those f*****g lessons I took over the winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately responds: "Well, there you have it. You
should have taken golf lessons instead"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 68....
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
These may have been around, but here they are:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”.
The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
These may have been around, but here they are:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”.
The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
:shocked:
Jerry Baumchen
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
"My dad suggested I register for a donor card; he's a man after my own heart.”
"Why is it old people say "There's no place like home", yet when you put them in one . . . "
"I hate double standards. Why is it that if I have sex with loads of women I’m a player but if a woman does it she’s a lesbian?"
"People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves."
"How do you know if someone’s a vegan? They’ll tell you."
"My fat is a bit like Kim Kardashian. You just can’t get rid of it."
:yes:
Jerry Baumchen
"My dad suggested I register for a donor card; he's a man after my own heart.”
"Why is it old people say "There's no place like home", yet when you put them in one . . . "
"I hate double standards. Why is it that if I have sex with loads of women I’m a player but if a woman does it she’s a lesbian?"
"People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves."
"How do you know if someone’s a vegan? They’ll tell you."
"My fat is a bit like Kim Kardashian. You just can’t get rid of it."
:yes:
Jerry Baumchen
Bfromla
Well-known member
Bob maybe they are the extended "***** care" for population control?
I wasn't there but I still care! POW /MIA VETS
Bob Denman
New member
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German,
an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean,
a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman,
a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a
Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a
Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a
Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian,
an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian,
a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian,
a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a
Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a
Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian,
a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian,
a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa
Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean,
an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans,
... walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the matre d', after scrutinizing the group...
"You can't come in here without a Thai."
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German,
an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean,
a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman,
a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a
Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a
Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a
Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian,
an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian,
a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian,
a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a
Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a
Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian,
a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian,
a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa
Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean,
an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans,
... walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the matre d', after scrutinizing the group...
"You can't come in here without a Thai."
JerryB
New member
Hi vided,
Re: View attachment 136443
When I was a teenager ( a loonngg tiiimme aaagggooo ) is was: FORD = Fix Or Repair Daily
:clap:
Jerry Baumchen
Re: View attachment 136443
When I was a teenager ( a loonngg tiiimme aaagggooo ) is was: FORD = Fix Or Repair Daily
:clap:
Jerry Baumchen
IdahoMtnSpyder
Well-known member
And the other one was often referred to as "Shove it or leave it!"
We used that one, and also this:
FORD = Found On Road Dead
But it still didn't stop us buying them &/or running them!! I had some bloody noice Fords back then. And funnily enough, most of them were extremely reliable! :thumbup:
Steeldrivers
New member
Or, Flopped On Race Day.
Sent from my SM-N900V using Tapatalk
Sent from my SM-N900V using Tapatalk
IdahoMtnSpyder
Well-known member
And then there is this variation that I remember: (to the tune of The Old Rugged Cross)
On a hill far away stood an old Chevrolet,
It's body all tattered and torn,
Along came the Lord in a brand new Ford,
And towed that old Chevy away!
On a hill far away stood an old Chevrolet,
It's body all tattered and torn,
Along came the Lord in a brand new Ford,
And towed that old Chevy away!
kep-up
New member
Garage Mechanic's Companion
Sam Mac
New member
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive womanwaving at him.
She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken abackbecause he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'Ithink you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever beenunfaithful to his wife.
So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that Imade love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while yourpartner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyesand says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.
She says, 'Hello.'
He's rather taken abackbecause he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'Ithink you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever beenunfaithful to his wife.
So he asks, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that Imade love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while yourpartner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyesand says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.
Bob Denman
New member
That's going to make all of the Parent/Teacher conferences a whole lot more interesting! :roflblack:
Bob Denman
New member
Machinegunner
New member
All the Ford trucks manufactured since 1956 are still on the road............All the other brands made it back to town.
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
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