Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

[vided]

THOUGHTFUL FACTS

1. I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.

2. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.

3. Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.

5. I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.

6. This isn't clutter; these are my antiques!

7. Discover wildlife! Have kids!

8. Our policy is to always blame the computer.

9. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

10. Take my advice. I'm not using it!

11. Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.

12. I love to give homemade gifts... umm, which one of the kids would you like?

13. By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!

14. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.

15. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.


​

 

[Bob Denman]

NOTE: This is NOT meant to be an insult to the people of Mexico. It's more of a "sports joke, than anything else.

 

[Bob Denman]

For the record: Cuzn sent me this one! :clap:
(Just givin' credit where it's due...)

 

[mowin]

Sent it to me also.. I was debating whether or not to post it.

You beat me to it. :thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

We have to co-ordinate our efforts... :thumbup:

Did he also send you the "Bill & Hillary" video that definitely can't be posted?

 

[vided]

We have to co-ordinate our efforts... :thumbup:

Did he also send you the "Bill & Hillary" video that definitely can't be posted?

It can't be posted due to the fact it would burn eyes and cause uncontrollable barfing

 

[Bob Denman]

It did the same thing to me... :shocked:




I had to watch the Hardee's "Bacon 3-way" advertisement about six times, before my vision cleared up! :clap:

 

[vided]

 

[cuznjohn]

View attachment 135849

do you also want to be on my, I CAN'T POST THIS ON HERE things i send

 

[mowin]

We have to co-ordinate our efforts... :thumbup:

Did he also send you the "Bill & Hillary" video that definitely can't be posted?

Yes he did. It's funny, yet nauseating. :yikes:

 

[vided]

do you also want to be on my, I CAN'T POST THIS ON HERE things i send

by all means :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

 

[cuznjohn]

by all means :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

i will add you

 

[Bob Denman]

do you also want to be on my, I CAN'T POST THIS ON HERE things i send

So THAT's what you call all of the good stuff that you find... :clap: :roflblack:

Barry,
Welcome to "The Club"... :thumbup:
We'll bring the Goat by your place tomorrow, for the initiation rites! :yikes:

 

[vided]

Ya, a good goat will do that.

 

[Bfromla]

So THAT's what you call all of the good stuff that you find... :clap: :roflblack:

Barry,
Welcome to "The Club"... :thumbup:
We'll bring the Goat by your place tomorrow, for the initiation rites! :yikes:

What "initiation"¿

I wasn't there but I still care! POW /MIA VETS

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[cuznjohn]

a old couple were sitting in a coffee house sipping on their coffee. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know..........
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, " Excuse me, but that was something else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

 

[vided]

Very clever

 

[Bob Denman]

I understand that Ellen DeGeneres has found an Uber-Driver who can beat the New York City traffic jams.



And do you think that there's anything wrong with this picture? :dontknow:

 

[cuznjohn]

she is a comedian, i see nothing wrong with the picture. i am not really a Ellen fan, but people just need to see the fun in stuff like that