• There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.

Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

Hi folks,

Be sure to send this to your kids or relatives also so they will know what happened to you.

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

I started to cry when I thought of you Spyder Lovers. Then it dawned on me...oh, I'll just see you on the bus.

:yes:

Jerry Baumchen
 
Good Explanation

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked
so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll
put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,


'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
 
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I called an old MIT classmate and asked what he was doing.



He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."



I was impressed...



However, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.

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vided said:
View attachment 154021
Click to expand...

I just have one question?......



If he was the pilot, then how the F*** did he get back up there after jumping out of the plane & plummeting away?? :shocked: Freefall just doesn't work like that, which is why it's called free-FALL! :yikes: It's not like you're on the weighted end of a dirty great long yo-yo string or elastic cord, so you get the chance to pop up & down a few times before cutting away to complete your fall back to the hard stuff.... :dontknow: Generally, there's only one way you are headed once you step outside of an aeroplane - and that's DOWN!! Fairly fast too! :thumbup:
 
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After dying in an accident, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.

They were all asked the same question: “When you are in the casket, friends and family will be mourning over you. What would you like to hear them say about you?”

The first guy immediately responds, “I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest doctors of my time and a great man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy thinks a minute and replies, “I’d like to hear them say…LOOK! HE’S MOVING!!!” __________________
 
When you are 70+......
QuAUXq6VnJhYYZ9lRiK3
I was standing in the Club one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but, When you’re seventy...............who cares?

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?
I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy..............who cares?

I was talking to a young woman in the Club last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but..When you’re seventy..............who cares?

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.

"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...When you’re seventy...............who cares?

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pooltoday. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy...............who cares?

I went to the Club last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When you’re seventy...............who cares?

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