PrairieSpyder
New member
:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: I love a surprise ending!! :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: I love a surprise ending!! :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
Bob Denman
New member
I wasn't intending to post it... nojoke
Between the Religious and Political aspects of it: I thought for sure that I'd be in trouble. :shocked:
Then I thought:
"What the heck..." :roflblack:
If I come across a good one about Donald Trump and a Rabbi: I'll post it also! :thumbup:
Between the Religious and Political aspects of it: I thought for sure that I'd be in trouble. :shocked:
Then I thought:
"What the heck..." :roflblack:
If I come across a good one about Donald Trump and a Rabbi: I'll post it also! :thumbup:
mowin
New member
:thumbup: :roflblack::roflblack:.
JerryB
New member
Hi Bob,
Re: If I come across a good one about Donald Trump . . .
There are no good ones about The Donald.
Geo. Will writes: “There’s an old adage about a vat of wine standing next to a vat of sewage. Add a cup of wine to the sewage, and it is still sewage. But add a cup of sewage to the wine, and it is no longer wine but sewage. Is this what D***** T**** has done to our politics?”
This will probably got pulled,
Jerry Baumchen
Re: If I come across a good one about Donald Trump . . .
There are no good ones about The Donald.
Geo. Will writes: “There’s an old adage about a vat of wine standing next to a vat of sewage. Add a cup of wine to the sewage, and it is still sewage. But add a cup of sewage to the wine, and it is no longer wine but sewage. Is this what D***** T**** has done to our politics?”
This will probably got pulled,
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
Was it a Moscato; or just a White Zinfandel? :roflblack:Seriously: I'm looking for humor from "ANY side of the fence"... :clap:
After all: "Laughter IS the best medicine!" nojoke
Jerry,
You and I obviously don't see eye to eye on this whole Political thing, and I can appreciate that...
Besides: you've got a Helluva great sense of humor!
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lizmcg
New member
Naaah, it's always been that way. He's just honest about it.
Cruzr Joe
New member
Tanshanomi
New member
A Catholic priest and a Jewish Rabbi meet at a delicatessen for lunch. The Rabbi orders the pastrami, the priest orders the ham.
"I'm just curious," the priest says to the Rabbi. "Why can't you eat ham?"
"Never really thought about it," the Rabbi replies. "As a Jew, it's just one of the ways we are expected to show our devotion and obedience to God."
As they eat lunch, the Rabbi starts talking about how beautiful his wife is, and how great she is in the sack. "Why can't you take a wife?" the Rabbi asks the priest.
"I dunno ," the priest says. "It's just one of the ways I am expected to show my devotion and obedience to God."
They eat in silence for a while until the Rabbi says, "Even though neither of us can say for sure, I gotta believe it's better than a ham sandwich."
"I'm just curious," the priest says to the Rabbi. "Why can't you eat ham?"
"Never really thought about it," the Rabbi replies. "As a Jew, it's just one of the ways we are expected to show our devotion and obedience to God."
As they eat lunch, the Rabbi starts talking about how beautiful his wife is, and how great she is in the sack. "Why can't you take a wife?" the Rabbi asks the priest.
"I dunno ," the priest says. "It's just one of the ways I am expected to show my devotion and obedience to God."
They eat in silence for a while until the Rabbi says, "Even though neither of us can say for sure, I gotta believe it's better than a ham sandwich."
Bob Denman
New member
Car salesman
An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.
"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model."
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman.
Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. See you later, grandpa.
Never mess with the elderly!
An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.
"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model."
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman.
Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. See you later, grandpa.
Never mess with the elderly!
Bob Denman
New member
I don't feel so bad now... THANKS! :clap:
Joe T.
Member
Yeah, I like that!!!
Joe T.
BoilerAnimal
New member
It just seems that the Donald Duck depiction is the most likely!
Bob Denman
New member
A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by
throwing herself into the ocean.
Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young
man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a
sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my
ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you
happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're alive"
With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but
comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.
From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of
red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me
food and I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," The captain says.
Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's
screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
throwing herself into the ocean.
Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young
man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a
sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my
ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you
happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're alive"
With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but
comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.
From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of
red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me
food and I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," The captain says.
Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's
screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
Tanshanomi
New member
A young man meets an old Russian woman in Moscow. She tells him how difficult her life has been. "During the Soviet era, we had no luxuries, but we were comfortable. My one cherished possession was a distinctive gold locket my husband bought from a foreigner at great personal risk. When the communists fell from power, things got even worse and I was forced to sell it for a tenth of its value just to eat." The young man feels so bad for the old woman that he invests hundreds of hours looking for her locket, scouring second-hand shops across the region and searching countless online auctions. A year later, he finally finds it and buys it, excited to see how overjoyed she will be. When he brings it to her, she turns to him calmly and says, "It had a chain."
Bob Denman
New member
In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a building permit."
"I've been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"The Immigration Dept. is checking the
visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark."
> "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to it."
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a building permit."
"I've been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"The Immigration Dept. is checking the
visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark."
> "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The Government beat me to it."
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