PrairieSpyder
New member
I understand it, but can't speak it! :dontknow:
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There were many reasons for the change of the site software, the biggest was security. The age of the old software also meant no server updates for certain programs. There are many benefits to the new software, one of the biggest is the mobile functionality. Ill fix up some stuff in the coming days, we'll also try to get some of the old addons back or the data imported back into the site like the garage. To create a thread or to reply with a post is basically the same as it was in the prior software. The default style of the site is light colored, but i temporarily added a darker colored style, to change you can find a link at the bottom of the site.
Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
I understand it, but can't speak it! :dontknow:
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance
exam to go to medical school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the
letters “PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is
most useful when erect.
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes by email.
exam to go to medical school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the
letters “PNEIS" into the name of an important human body part which is
most useful when erect.
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today.
The rest of us are sending jokes by email.
Excuse me while I send off another email :banghead:
LateLifeCrisis
Member
ANOTHER LOVING HUSBAND?
Thinking back a few years when we were living in Florida, I remembered Hurricane Doris. I was ready for it, but my wife was not. When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and thrashing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying pieces of roof, destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound level, my wife was rooted to the spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever. Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in....:yikes:
Thinking back a few years when we were living in Florida, I remembered Hurricane Doris. I was ready for it, but my wife was not. When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and thrashing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying pieces of roof, destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound level, my wife was rooted to the spot.
She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the windowpane, the stark fear in her eyes will stay with me forever. Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, I was able to open the door and let her in....:yikes:
LateLifeCrisis
Member
Pesky Squirrels
The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels on the church grounds. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Methodist Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since. :yikes:
The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels on the church grounds. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Methodist Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since. :yikes:
Bob Denman
New member
:clap:
SpyderConvert
Member
The Scottish Castaway
One day a Scotsman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long it’s been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the Scotsman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Och - in the name of the wee man is that good!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good scotch?" she asks him.
Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks,
"And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"
One day a Scotsman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long it’s been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the Scotsman.
With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Och - in the name of the wee man is that good!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good scotch?" she asks him.
Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks,
"And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!"
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Bob Denman
New member
cuznjohn
New member
A 15-year-old Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall outside their community.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”
The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a rotund old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… “Go get your Mother.”
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this, Father?”
The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a rotund old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… “Go get your Mother.”
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