Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.

[SpyderConvert]

Talkative Parrot

A truck driver's wife decided she would like some company during his long road trips so she decided to buy a parrot. At the pet store there was three parrots priced $500, $200, and $25. Curious about the price differences she approached the owner.

He explained, "The $500 parrot if fluent in five languages and is very polite to everyone. The $200 parrot only speaks two languages and is also very polite. The $25 parrot in unlike the others. He lived in a whore house, only speaks one language and often swears."

After thinking about it for a while she decided the $25 parrot was a lot like her husband and she was a bit short on funds so she bought him.

Upon arriving home the parrot looked around and exclaimed, "Wow! A new whore house and a great looking madam!" The trucker's wife laughed and went about her housework.

Later their daughters came home from school and the parrot exclaimed, "Not only a new whore house, but two great looking babes!" They all looked at each other and laughed.

About a week later the trucker came back from an extended trip. When he walked in the room the parrot shouted,"Joe, what took you so long to find the new place? You're going to love it here!"

Doctors think he will be out of intensive care in about a week.

 

[Bob Denman]

They say that the most expensive Parrot, is the one that knows when to keep it's mouth shut! :thumbup:

 

[Bob Denman]

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!
The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the
names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs,
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

 

[Pirate looks at --]

.

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!
The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the
names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs,
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

let me guess...

California?

 

[SpyderConvert]

A Trip To Australia

I mean NO disrespect!!!!

 

[Pirate looks at --]

Received from a friend...

This is a VERY touching video, actually a piece of film that has been
made into a video, this is one that is NOT photo shopped, it's the
real scene!

Notice in the opening shot you'll see the gunner's position is all
shot to hell while the pilot's cockpit ahead of it is undamaged.
Later on notice the corpsman taking a fingerprint of the deceased
gunner, before the film continues, then showing the chaplain saying
the final prayers, followed by taps, then the sailors push the
aircraft and our patriotic airman over the side and watch it sink into
the distance sea. Here's one for a serious conversation with your
kids. THIS WAS REAL!

This is what 18 year old "kids" were doing in 1944. No safe spaces,
no hurtful unthinkable remarks that they couldn't cope with, just
dying for their country so the ungrateful, uninformed snowflakes of
today could act like fools decades later..............

This 2 minute video is pretty moving. Worth your while.
"What actually made this country great is ordinary guys like this
doing extraordinary things."

http://www.youtube.com/embed/jpt6Bvr2L-s?rel=0&controls=0& showinf

Moving indeed, but, perhaps more appreciated if it were not in the "Joke" thread.

 

[Bob Denman]

While :agree:: it offers some perspective; to our mirthful hiding place! :thumbup:

 

[Pirate looks at --]

I will give you that!

 

[Pirate looks at --]

let me guess...

California?

Hey now! That isn't necessary!

 

[vided]

 

[Bob Denman]

 

[vided]

 

[SpyderConvert]

Moving indeed, but, perhaps more appreciated if it were not in the "Joke" thread.

You are correct! I guess that I thought that this was an "Off Topic" forum. My apologies!

 

[Bob Denman]

If you want to re-post in just the Off-Topic area; it sure wouldn't hurt our feelings...

 

[SpyderConvert]

Moved

If you want to re-post in just the Off-Topic area; it sure wouldn't hurt our feelings...

Done.

 

[Bob Denman]

:clap::2thumbs:

 

[PrairieSpyder]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops........
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?"
...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking."
....I love these touching stories !!!

 

[Bob Denman]