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Missing - Jokes! So I'll just start a thread.
- Thread starter ThreeWheels
- Start date
vided
New member
i borrowed one of these.
will return it later :roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack:
thanks:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
Bob Denman
New member
:shocked: I think that I've had all seven of them stay at my house... :banghead:
PrairieSpyder
New member
Bob Denman
New member
Joe,
Who ever told you that I survived the ordeal? :shocked:
Who ever told you that I survived the ordeal? :shocked:
vided
New member
Attachments
cuznjohn
New member
after 60 years together,
[FONT="]Their three kids, all successful, [/FONT]
[FONT="]agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," [/FONT]
[FONT="]gushed Son No. 1.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]'Sorry I'm running late. [/FONT]
[FONT="]I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, [/FONT]
[FONT="]you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]"Not to worry," said the father. [/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]"Not to worry," said the father. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Important thing is we're all together today."[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Son No. 2 arrived.
"You and Mom look great, Dad. [/FONT]
"You and Mom look great, Dad. [/FONT]
[FONT="]I just flew in from Montreal between depositions [/FONT]
[FONT="]and didn't have time to shop for you.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]“It’s nothing," said the father. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"We're glad you were able to come."[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Just then the daughter arrived.
"Hello and happy anniversary! [/FONT]
"Hello and happy anniversary! [/FONT]
[FONT="]Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town [/FONT]
[FONT="]and I was really busy packing [/FONT]
[FONT="]so I didn't have time to get you anything."[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]After they had finished dessert, the father said, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"There's something your mother and I
have wanted to tell you for a long time.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
have wanted to tell you for a long time.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]
You see, we were really poor, [/FONT]
You see, we were really poor, [/FONT]
[FONT="]but we managed to send each of you to college.
Through the years your mother [/FONT]
Through the years your mother [/FONT]
[FONT="]and I knew we loved each other very much, [/FONT]
[FONT="]but we just never found the time to get married."
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]The three children gasped and said,[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT="]
[/FONT][FONT="]The three children gasped and said,[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]"WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Yep", said the father. "Cheap ones, too …"[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
Bob Denman
New member
Telling it like it is: Priceless! 
:2thumbs:
(My folks hope to be celebrating #64 in about three weeks...:thumbup
:2thumbs:(My folks hope to be celebrating #64 in about three weeks...:thumbup
Last edited:
IdahoMtnSpyder
Well-known member
This thread today http://www.spyderlovers.com/forums/showthread.php?90127-Better-Late-Than-Never! reminds me of the following.
An old bachelor farmer finally gets married in his late sixties. A friend asked him why he waited so long to get married.
"Well, if she turns out to be a great wife she will have been worth waiting for! If she turns out to be a b***h, I won't have to live with her so long!"
An old bachelor farmer finally gets married in his late sixties. A friend asked him why he waited so long to get married.
"Well, if she turns out to be a great wife she will have been worth waiting for! If she turns out to be a b***h, I won't have to live with her so long!"
mowin
New member
Telling it like it is: Priceless!
(My folks hope to be celebrating #64 in about three weeks...:thumbup
Tell your mom and dad I said happy 64th. :thumbup::cheers:..
vided
New member
Best Presidential Joke I've heard this Year
President ***** walked into the bank to cash a check. As he approached
the cashier he said, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash
this check for me?
Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?"
*****:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any
need to. I am Barack *****, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"
Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring
of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the
Dodd-Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.
*****:
"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you.
Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
*****:
"I order you to cash this check!"
Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
*****:
***** stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, I can't think of a single thing. I don't have a clue what to do.
Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
President ***** walked into the bank to cash a check. As he approached
the cashier he said, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash
this check for me?
Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?"
*****:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any
need to. I am Barack *****, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"
Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring
of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the
Dodd-Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.
*****:
"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you.
Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
*****:
"I order you to cash this check!"
Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
*****:
***** stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, I can't think of a single thing. I don't have a clue what to do.
Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
Bob Denman
New member
vided
New member
JerryB
New member
Hi folks,
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first love-making encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and you will be disconnected!
:yikes:
Jerry Baumchen
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first love-making encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.
Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and you will be disconnected!
:yikes:
Jerry Baumchen
Bob Denman
New member
That was such a happy story... :clap:...right up until it all went wrong! :shocked:
IdahoMtnSpyder
Well-known member
For us senior types
A Group of chaps all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
A Group of chaps all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.
vided
New member
Cruzr Joe
New member
You can't see the trees for the forest.:roflblack::roflblack::roflblack::roflblack: The most famous song of the Monkee's is "I'm a Believer" and part of the song is "and then i saw her face, now i'm a believer"
Cruzr Joe
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